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Weekend Update: Pete Davidson Apologizes to Lt. Com. Dan Crenshaw – SNL


>>WELL, LAST WEEK PETE DAVIDSON
DID A FEATURE HERE ON “WEEKEND UPDATE” THAT CAUSED SOME
CONTROVERSIAL. HERE TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT
IS PETE DAVIDSON. [ APPLAUSE ]
>>HEY, EVERYBODY! HEY.
THANKS. IN WHAT I’M SURE WAS A HUGE
SHOCK FOR PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME, I MADE A POOR CHOICE LAST WEEK.
[ LAUGHTER ] NO, I DID.
I MADE A JOKE ABOUT LIEUTENANT COMMANDER DAN CRENSHAW, DAN, DAN
CRENSHAW AND ON BEHALF OF THE SHOW AND MYSELF, I APOLOGIZE.
MY POOR MOM.>>POOR MOM.
>>CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING MY MOM? THAT MUST SUCK.
CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING PETE DAVIDSON’S MOM WHEN EVERYBODY’S
MAD AT YOUR SON AND ROOMMATE. NO, BUT I MEAN THIS FROM THE
BOTTOM OF MY HEART. IT WAS A POOR CHOICE OF WORDS.
THE MAN IS A WAR HERO AND HE DESERVES ALL OF THE RESPECT IN
THE WORD. AND IF ANY GOOD CAME OF THIS,
MAYBE IT WAS THAT FOR ONE DAY THE LEFT AND THE RIGHT FINALLY
CAME TOGETHER TO AGREE ON SOMETHING.
THAT I’M A DICK. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>YOU THINK? [APPLAUSE]
>>LIEUTENANT COMMANDER DAVID CRENSHAW, EVERYONE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.>>THANKS FOR MAKING A
REPUBLICAN LOOK GOOD.>>STOP SAYING THAT, MAN.
HE’S BEEN SAYING IT ALL DAY. PLEASE.
LOOK, I JUST WANTED TO SAY FOR PEOPLE THAT DON’T KNOW, THE
REASON YOU’RE WEARING AN EYE PATCH RIGHT NOW IS THAT YOU LOST
YOUR EYE TO AN I.E.D. IN AFGHANISTAN DURING YOUR THIRD
COMBAT TOUR, AND I’M SORRY.>>THANK YOU, PETE, APPRECIATE
YOU SAYING THAT. SO ARE WE GOOD?
>>WE’RE GOOD.>>APOLOGY ACCEPTED.
♪♪♪ SOUNDS LIKE MY PHONE IS RINGING.
>>ARE YOU GOING TO ANSWER THAT?>>NO, MAN, I’M JUST GOING TO
LET IT RING. LET IT GO TO VOICEMAIL.
>>THAT’S COOL, ARIANA –>>OH, DO YOU KNOW HER?
[ LAUGHTER ]>>ALL RIGHT.
SO THAT WAS FUNNY. ALL RIGHT.
LAST WEEK I MADE A JOKE ABOUT A PICTURE OF YOU, AND I FEEL LIKE
IT WOULD ONLY BE FAIR IF YOU GOT ME BACK AND MADE FUN OF A
PICTURE OF ME. DOES THAT SOUND OKAY?
>>I DON’T REALLY NEED TO DO THAT.
>>I DESERVE IT, PLEASE.>>ALL RIGHT.
>>FIRST IMPRESSIONS WITH LIEUTENANT COMMANDER DAN
CRENSHAW.>>THANKS, COLIN.
THIS IS PETE DAVIDSON. HE LOOKS LIKE IF THE METH FROM
“BREAK BE BAD” WAS A PERSON.>>ALL RIGHT.
NOT BAD. SO THERE, WE’RE EVEN.
>>HOLD ON. ONE MORE.
THIS IS GOOD.>>ALL RIGHT.
>>HE LOOKS LIKE A TROLL DOLL WITH A TAPEWORM.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>YEAH, MAN.
THAT’S GOOD. WE SHOULD WRAP THIS UP.
>>NO, THIS IS FUN.>>COOL.
>>HE LOOKS LIKE MARTIN SHORT IN “THE SANTA CLAUS 3.”
BY THE WAY, ONE OF THESE PEOPLE WAS ACTUALLY GOOD ON “SNL.”
>>YOU’RE RIGHT. YOU’RE NOT WRONG.
>>BUT SERIOUSLY, THERE’S A LOT OF LESSONS TO LEARN HERE.
NOT JUST THAT THE LEFT AND THE RIGHT CAN STILL AGREE ON SOME
THINGS, BUT ALSO THIS, AMERICANS CAN FORGIVE ONE ANOTHER.
WE CAN REMEMBER WHAT BRINGS US TOGETHER AS A COUNTRY AND STILL
SEE THE GOOD IN EACH OTHER. THIS IS VETERANS DAY WEEKEND.
WHICH MEANS THAT IT’S A GOOD TIME FOR EVERY AMERICAN TO
CONNECT WITH A VETERAN. MAYBE SAY THANKS FOR YOUR
SERVICE BUT I WOULD ACTUALLY ENCOURAGE YOU TO SAY SOMETHING
ELSE. TELL A VETERAN NEVER FORGET.
WHEN YOU SAY NEVER FORGET TO A VETERAN YOU ARE IMPLYING THAT AS
AN AMERICAN, YOU ARE IN IT WITH THEM, NOT SEPARATED BY SOME
IMAGINARY BARRIER BETWEEN CIVILIANS AND VETERANS, BUT
CONNECTED TOGETHER AS GRATEFUL FELLOW AMERICANS.
WE’LL NEVER FORGET THE SACRIFICES MADE BY VETERANS PAST
AND PRESENT. AND NEVER FORGET THOSE WE LOST
ON 9/11. HEROES LIKE PETE’S FATHER.
SO I’LL JUST SAY, PETE, NEVER FORGET.
>>NEVER FORGET. AND THAT IS FROM BOTH OF US!
>>YOU DID IT! LIEUTENANT DAN CRENSHAW AND PETE
DAVIDSON, EVERYONE. FOR “WEEKEND UPDATE,” I’M COLIN
JOST.>>I’M MICHAEL CHE.

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