• Weekend Update on a $18 Cup of Coffee – SNL
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    Weekend Update on a $18 Cup of Coffee – SNL

    >>A NEW COFFEE SHOP HAS OPENED IN BROOKLYN THAT WILL SELL AN $18 CUP OF COFFEE, WHICH ONLY MAKES SENCE TO ME IF IT SERVED WITH A SIDE OF $15 DAMN DOLLARS. [ LAUGHTER ] AN AMERICAN WOMAN SET A NEW RECORD VISITING EVERY COUNTRY IN THE WORLD IN 19 MONTHS. AFTER ALL THAT TRAVEL SHE FOUND THE ONE THING THAT HAD BEEN INSIDE HER ALL ALONG. ZIKA. >>A MASSACHUSETTS COUPLE WHOSE SON WAS BORN DURING THE SUPER BOWL HAS NAMED HIM BRADY. WHILE AN ATLANTA COUPLE WHOSE SON WAS BORN DURING THE SUPER BOWL NAMED HIM, “SON OF A BITCH.” [ LAUGHTER ] >>VALENTINE’S DAY IS RIGHT AROUND THE…

  • Don’t Laugh News Challenge: Tornado Jail!
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    Don’t Laugh News Challenge: Tornado Jail!

    (funky music) – [Announcer] From West Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn’t know what’s on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks, loses points. This is, Breaking News. – Hello and welcome to Breaking News, the show where we don’t know what we’re about to say, and we aren’t allowed to smile or laugh. I’m Buck Fruckster. (laughter) Out of the gate. And to my left is anchor number two. She does have a name and that name is… – Glennn with three n’s. (laughter) – We begin tonight with the first story: Babies. Babies are the shriveled rats that husbands and wives make…

  • Alanis Morissette Updates ‘Ironic’ Lyrics
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    Alanis Morissette Updates ‘Ironic’ Lyrics

    ALANIS: ♪AN OLD FRIEND SENDS YOU A FACEBOOK REQUEST AND YOU ONLY FIND OUT THEY’RE RACIST AFTER YOU ACCEPT JAMES: ♪ THERE’S FREE OFFICE CAKE, ON THE FIRST DAY OF YOUR DIET IT’S LIKE THEY ANNOUNCE A NEW IPHONE, THE DAY YOU AFTER YOU BUY IT. ISN’T IT IRONIC? DON’T YOU THINK? ALANIS & JAMES: ♪ IT’S LIKE SWIPING LEFT, ON YOUR FUTURE SOULMATE. IT’S A SNAPCHAT, THAT YOU WISH YOU HAD SAVED. IT’S A FUNNY TWEET, THAT NOBODY FAVES. AND WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT, IT FIGURES? ALANIS: ♪ TRAFFIC JAM, WHEN YOU TRIED TO YOU USE WAZE, A NO SMOKING SIGN, WHEN YOU BROUGHT YOUR VAPE. 10,000 MALE LATE NIGHT…

  • Don’t Laugh News Challenge: George Clooney Won’t Leave Trailer
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    Don’t Laugh News Challenge: George Clooney Won’t Leave Trailer

    (upbeat sting)– [Announcer] From West Hollywood, California,the only news team that doesn’t knowwhat’s on the teleprompter before they read it.Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points.This is Breaking News.– Welcome to Breaking News,the news show where we don’t know what we’re about to say,and we aren’t allowed to smile or laugh.I’m Stephanie Meat.– And I’m Daddy (laughs)(everyone laughing)Tonight we’ll be investigating a slew of home break-inson Maple Lane, and why I smell like piss today.– It’s because I pissed on your suit.In other news, local eight year old Jessica Nodadwon the local Miss Bumblebee Girlboss Pangeant.She now moves on to the state competition,where she will be competing against 12 other…

  • Don’t Laugh News Challenge: Get In My Belly!
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    Don’t Laugh News Challenge: Get In My Belly!

    (upbeat music)– [Announcer] From West Hollywood, California,the only news team that doesn’t knowwhat’s on the teleprompter before they read it.Anyone who laughs or breaks, loses points.This is Breaking News.– Welcome back to Breaking News,the show where we don’t know what we’re about to sayand we aren’t allowed to smile or laugh.I’m Brian Watterson.– And I’m Fat Bastard.(anchors laughing)– Our top story tonight, the school admissions scandalhas widened with more parents bribingtheir children’s way into college.– I ate a baby!– Interestingly, the scandal continues to includereally middle-tier universities like USCwhere no parent would ever be proud of their child going.– I’m bigger than you.I’m higher on the food chain.Get in my…