• News from an alternate universe: Climate Change
    Articles

    News from an alternate universe: Climate Change

    NARRATOR: Scientists have been warning us for years about our changing climate. SCIENTIST: Rising temperaturs, sea level change, iceburgs melting. But warnings are one thing. Social and political change is quite another. Has science managed to convince us? It turns out, the answer is yes. Yes big time. Overwhelming evidence, both at the chemical and atmospheric levels show that man-made CO2 is directly affecting climate conditions. And when we told politicians and the general public, they believed us immediately. Look, when I turned on my TV and saw some scientist spoutin’ off about how some kind of invisible gas is causing something called “global warming” I was like, thank you!…

  • Unlikely lines from a cosmetics commercial | Mock The Week – BBC
    Articles

    Unlikely lines from a cosmetics commercial | Mock The Week – BBC

    Unlikely lines from a costume drama. Madam, I’m in line to the throne and, as such, we shall be dining somewhere that befits my title. Pizza Express, Woking! BUZZER Ah, Batman! I mean, I suppose technically it’s a costume. BUZZER Heathcliff, Heathcliff, let me in, let me in! I just wondered if we could count on your vote on December 12th? BUZZER Generally, I am a footman, sir. Although I do also like the bottom and the breasts. BUZZER Just reading this review from the Anne Boleyn musical. It says, “It was a good idea, but I didn’t like the execution.” Lord Windermere is famed for his opulent balls. I’ve…

  • Weekend Update on Hurricane Maria – SNL
    Articles

    Weekend Update on Hurricane Maria – SNL

    >>Announcer: IT’S “WEEKENDUPDATE,” WITH COLIN JOST, ANDMICHAEL CHE.[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>THANK YOU, GOOD EVENING,EVERYONE.>>WELCOME TO “WEEKEND UPDATE”I’M MICHAEL CHE.>>AND I’M COLIN JOST.Well after PresidentTrump was criticized for aterrible response to HurricaneMaria.This morning he finally gavethe people of Puerto Rico whatthey needed most.A bunch of tweets straight upcalling them lazy.>>>TRUMP SAYS THE PEOPLE OFPUERTO RICO, QUOTE, WANTEVERYTHING TO BE DONE FOR THEM”.THEN HE TOLD HIS CADDY TO REPAIRHIS DIFFICULTY AND DRIVE HIM TOTHE NEXT HOLE.TRUMP ALWAYS SAID HE WAS GOINGTO GET THINGS DONE FASTER THANANY OTHER PRESIDENT.NOW I BELIEVE HIM.IT TOOK GEORGE W. BUSH TO GETHIS KATRINA.MEANWHILE, RAPPER PITBULL HASLOANED OUT HIS PRIVATE JET TOHELP RESCUE PEOPLE IN PUERTORICO.WOW, IF…

  • Articles

    Weekend Update: Pete Davidson Apologizes to Lt. Com. Dan Crenshaw – SNL

    >>WELL, LAST WEEK PETE DAVIDSON DID A FEATURE HERE ON “WEEKEND UPDATE” THAT CAUSED SOME CONTROVERSIAL. HERE TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT IS PETE DAVIDSON. [ APPLAUSE ] >>HEY, EVERYBODY! HEY. THANKS. IN WHAT I’M SURE WAS A HUGE SHOCK FOR PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME, I MADE A POOR CHOICE LAST WEEK. [ LAUGHTER ] NO, I DID. I MADE A JOKE ABOUT LIEUTENANT COMMANDER DAN CRENSHAW, DAN, DAN CRENSHAW AND ON BEHALF OF THE SHOW AND MYSELF, I APOLOGIZE. MY POOR MOM.>>POOR MOM. >>CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING MY MOM? THAT MUST SUCK. CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING PETE DAVIDSON’S MOM WHEN EVERYBODY’S MAD AT YOUR SON AND ROOMMATE. NO, BUT…

  • Weekend Update: Beck Bennett – SNL
    Articles

    Weekend Update: Beck Bennett – SNL

    WE HAVE A LOT OF POP STARS PERFORM ON “SNL.” WE MIGHT HAVE AN EMERGING POP STAR RIGHT HERE IN OUR CAST. HERE SO EXPLAIN IS BECK BENNETT. >>I LOVE YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH. WOW, LOVE YOU.>>BECK, IS THAT A NEW HAIRCUT? >>OH, I DIDN’T NOTICE. I GUESS SO, YEAH. IT’S JUST NATURAL, I DON’T KNOW.>>OKAY. SO WHAT’S GOING ON WITH YOUR MUSIC CAREER? >>THANK YOU FOR ASKING. WELL, IN A WORD, IT’S EXPLODING, COLIN. PEOPLE DON’T KNOW THIS, BUT MUSIC’S ALWAYS BEEN A HUGE PART AND I’VE ALWAYS LIKE LISTENED TO THE RADIO. I LOVE SONGS. >>SO, THEN YOU’RE LIKE A TRAINED SINGER? >>I’M NOT AS MUCH OF…

  • Weekend Update: Tina Fey on Protesting After Charlottesville – SNL
    Articles

    Weekend Update: Tina Fey on Protesting After Charlottesville – SNL

    ♪♪♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>EXPERTS ARE SAYING IT’S POSSIBLE FOR WOMEN TO HAVE SO-CALLED SUPERORGASMS WITH YOGA AND PRETENDING.>>>THIS WEEK IN NEW YORK CITY, A 98-YEAR-OLD WOMAN GOT MARRIED TO A 94-YEAR-OLD MAN. THEY ARE REGISTERED AT BED BATH AND THE GREAT BEYOND. >>>HERE GIVING A PERSONAL TAKE ON THE WEEKEND’S EVENTS OF CHARLOTTESVILLE, VIRGINIA IS TINA FE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU, COLIN AND CHE. I JUST WANT TO SAY I ALWAYS COME OUT ON COLIN’S SIDE BECAUSE IT’S THE BETTER HALF OF MY FACE. IT’S IMPORTANT TO BE CLEAR ON THAT.>>NOT BUYING IT. >>YOU GRADUATED FROM UVA IN 1992. >>YES, COLIN. IT’S…

  • Articles

    Weekend Update on Male Birth Control – SNL

    >>>A CATHOLIC CHURCH IN SAN DIEGO WARNED PARISHIONERS THAT THEY WILL GO TO HELL IF THEY VOTE FOR DEMOCRATS. HERE TO COMMENT ON THE STATE OF THE ELECTION IS CHURCH LADY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>HELLO. THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME ON YOUR LITTLE MIDNIGHT SHINDIG. WHAT A DELIGHTFUL JOB YOU HAVE, DON’T YOU? INSTEAD OF RESTING UP FOR CHURCH YOU STAY UP LATE MAKING JOKES ABOUT ANTHONY’S WEINER. [ LAUGHTER ] NOT QUITE THE PATH OF JESUS, IS IT? [ LAUGHTER ] >>I THINK JESUS APPRECIATES A GOOD JOKE. >>YES, JESUS LOVES A GOOD JOKE. SO THAT WOULD LEAVE YOU OUT OF THE EQUATION.>>I THOUG WE HAD SOME…

  • Weekend Update at the RNC
    Articles

    Weekend Update at the RNC

    >>”WEEKEND UPDATE” WITH COLIN JONES AND MICHAEL CHE. [ APPLAUSE ] >>WELCOME TO “WEEKEND UPDATE” ON MSNBC! I’M MICHAEL CHE.>>AND I’M COLIN JONES, LIVE IN CLEVELAND FOR THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION. >>OR AS I’VE BEEN CALLING IT, WHITE RIO. THIS LOOKS LIKE A GARY IT, WHITE RIO. THIS LOOKS LIKE A GARY BUSEY LOOK-ALIKE CONTEST. >>WE’RE RIGHT NEXT TO THE ROCK ‘N’ ROLL HALL OF FAME, WHERE YOU’LL FIND ALL THE LEGENDARY ARTISTS WHO WON’T LET REPUBLICANS USE THEIR MUSIC. MIKE PENCE STILL FINISHED SPEAKING AND YOU STILL FEEL THE ELECTRICITY IN THE ROOM, STATIC ELECTRICITY, CREATED BY ALL THE SHOES SOFTLY SHUFFLING TOWARD THE EXIT. WHAT WAS YOUR TAKEAWAY…