From the Capital News Studios in Berlin – Ladies and gentlemen, from the studios of the LATELY SHOW in Berlin
… these are the LATELY NEWS … everything else is just fake news … That’s why we start… with the news.
from Germany: BERLIN I don’t know if I’ve ever heard of the new
Berlin airport in Schoenefeld, the, I, the Hope I’m saying this right… “BER.”
…told me, but this one’s not yet done. And it’s only been seven years or so. Only cost about six billion. A bargain so far. But that there is no other way is shown by the planned
Construction of the “Museum of Modernity” as an extension of the New National Gallery. This should actually cost 200 million. However, Minister of Culture Monika Grütters
new figures are now being presented and so the Construction now cost-effective 400 million cost. The “Museum of Modernity” is actually supposed to be
the complete collection of all relics of the 20th century. the first half of the twentieth century, for which the
new Nationalgalerie simply no more space is. Because alone the lush VHS collection of
Friends including hundreds of copies and the corresponding Players, so-called …, I hope
I’m pronouncing that right… VHS recorder. take up so much space, they rebuilt it.
must become. 400 million. Or 8 Rachels
Or 400 million Joey’s. Or a BER terminal. HAMBURG In order to protest against the climate policy of the
Federal government to give even more voice, the “Fridays for Future” in Hamburg
announced that they are not only planning the car traffic in Hamburg by means of seat and
to stop roadblocks this Friday, but also the whole of next week. The demonstrations will also be accompanied by
10,000 people expected, since next to the “Fridays for Future” the agricultural alliance “Wir
are tired of it”, the environmental organization BUND and the refugee initiative Seebrücke
Berlin will participate. However, this now also means that the next
week just a lot of children not anymore brought to school by their parents by car
can become. Now they’re threatened with going to school themselves.
… and I hope I speak the word correctly …we have to go out. As a result, tens of thousands of
Students have taken the floor and say, “Well. Climate protection is all very well and good. But if we don’t talk about Mommy and Daddy anymore.
can be driven to school, then you hear but the fun is definitely here.” Now, let’s move on to the news from
abroad: MONACO If Ben Johnson had joined
of the doping test, he’d be more clever. probably not one of the fastest
and most famous 100-meter sprinter in the world. be. If it hadn’t been for the doping test.
urine, but perhaps the urine from his Girlfriend. Unless she was a Ukrainian weightlifter. That’s exactly what former NBA player Donnell has to say.
D.J. Cooper tries as he does to make for the Bosnian
to be able to play on the national basketball team, had to take a dope test. And so he gave the inspectors at the doping test
not his urine, but that of his Girlfriend. I don’t know where he’d hidden that.
he had to test naked. The good news, the urine sample showed that
he wasn’t doped. The bad news was that the controllers
the tests showed that the values of the human chorionic gonadotropin extremely high
were. As high as only pregnant women can get. I imagine it’s not a good idea for the
Controllers was strange then the 28-year-old to say that he failed the doping test
but also at the same time to make him his own congratulate you on your pregnancy. MELBOURNE Who doesn’t know the famous pyramid schemes,
where only the one who is at the beginning of the pyramid is standing. And what we had in the ’80s and ’90s
many to their doom, is on the other. the end of the world in Australia still a
dangerous trend. The only bad thing is to have a pyramid scheme
where you are the beginning, but where you are and also all levels after that. It’s like an insurance broker.
in Melbourne, after his boss threatened that if he didn’t sign more contracts.
to the man who would be released. So he just started insuring himself
to sell them yourself. Not in his name, of course.
he sold them to fictitious persons and received commissions of more than
200,000 Australian dollars. His only downfall was that
his boss takes the commission from him again if the contracts were not signed on time.
be paid. And so he paid monthly for all insurance policies
the contributions. Which, in turn, has gradually reduced his commission.
and he’d eat it up. Halt Australia, England’s former prison island. And finally … the FAKE NEWS medium
of the week … is this time unequivocally
The “KinderDoc” magazine Because it’s been seen that the failing
“KinderDoc magazine. is just stuffed with fake news. As one of the most famous news anchors south of
of Greenland can give me normal diseases, like flu or diarrhea or mortality,
I’m not gonna wear anything anymore. On the contrary. Famous people upgrade at best
viral with syphilis, delusions of grandeur or bag soup. But to get that, we don’t go to
normal doctors, like the rabble. We only treat the best. Be it Doctor Brinkmann at the Black Forest Clinic,
or Doctor Pepper at the Coke machine. Or Doctor Mario, by making a neat
Pipe laid. So that the shower in the bath no longer drips,
when he’s laying pipes. And just when I was with him about it.
my look at the latest issue of “KinderDoc”. The KinderDoc is the celebrity Pschyrembel. And if you don’t know who or what a
Pschyrembel is, you’re right where you are. you are! Because this one always contains the newest and most
Best viral celebrity upgrades!! That’s why I’m suffering: Dr. Oetker baking mix! Therefore, be warned all non connoisseurs of the
“KinderDoc magazine. … the dark yellow LATELY FAKE NEWS card
to you … and from now on you will be under the observation of the statutory health insurance! Riffraff! That was the LATELY NEWS… See you around.
again … on Monday … and don’t forget:
Everything else is just fake news. – The LATELY NEWS with Florian Strzeletz
Everything else is fake news!